Chaos no Jutsu!
by xXTooMuchFreeTimeXx
Summary: Previously called Madness: Akatsuki Style! Jacky, Harry and Frankie find themselves at the Akatsuki base! Lots of chaos, and what's this? Tobi has shut up? Hidan stopped swearing? Cross-dressing? Embarrassing pics and blackmailing? First Naruto fanfic, please go easy on me. No flames, ok? -runs as crowd throw fire- By the way, I'm rewriting this!
1. Chapter 1

**This is what happens when you mix a very bored me and a fanfiction account. This mess of a story.**

**Okay, so Jacky has purple hair with silver streaks (wild parties = drunkenness = bottles of dye wasted), large grey eyes. From the Kaguya clan. Related to Kimimaro, but she doesn't know this. So, when she feels threatened, bones stick out of her body to protect her. SHe's rather quite, but that's because she's so moody.**

**And Harry is blonde, has blue eyes (looks a lot like Diedara), is an orphan and is a good friend of Jackie's. Is related to Diedara, close cousin, so she can do the Explosion Release Jutsu. Harry's one of those loud, bitchy peoplke who don't hesitate to say what's on their mind.**

**Frankie's a shape-shifter. She can turn from human, to snake, to bird, to ant. She's the sweet, a little shy type. **

**Now, on with the story!**

**Chapter One**

**Harry's POV**

We were walking down the street, bored out of our minds. The 'Peculiars', that's what they call us. Because we are peculiar, in our own ways. That's what brought us together.

I mean, how many people have mouths on their hand, seriously? That's why I always wear gloves.

Frankie isn't too proud of the fact that she turns into an animal when upset. She doesn't like being read like a book.

And Jacky? Well, let's just say haven't having bones stick out of your body so NOBODY can touch you isn't fun.

-FLASHBACK-

Class had just finished and Jacky was in one of her cheerful moods (basically, she hadn't beaten someone to a pulp yet. YET!), thank fucking Lord for that. So, we walked out of the classroom, shouting things like "Yeah! Let's do this thing!"

REWRITE!

So, we walked out of the classroom, with me shouting things like "Yeah! Let's do this thing!"

And Joshua appeared.

He's part of what we call 'Group A'. Yeah, yeah, not very creative. You want something creative? You won't find it here.

Anywayz, Group A stands for Group Attackers. They make fun of us 'Peculiars' because we're… 'Peculiars'.

Group D are the Defenders. They defend us and stick up for us. There are very little people in Group D.

Then there's Group DGAS. DGAS stands for Don't Give A Shit. They don't attack, but then they don't defend us either. Just sit back and watch. Cheering when we strike a blow, cheering when Group A does too. Not literally.

Back to the topic at hand. Joshua appeared.

He leered at us.

"Hey Harry! Be sure to warn people before you shake their hand. Some people don't want saliva all over them."

I clenched my fists.

"Don't you bite yourself when you do that?" he laughed.

"Watch it, Pizza face," I answered coolly, though I felt like screaming. Joshua growled. He hated it when people referred to his acne.

"How you feeling this time, _Jacqueline_? If you're feeling threatened, I wouldn't like bones piercing me, thanks," he turned to Jacky, whose mood worsened in a matter of seconds at the use of her full name.

"Well, if I did poke you with my bones, you'd deserve it," she said, smiling her 'Death Smile'.

"So, you can't exactly blame us," Frankie added timidly.

He laughed. I lost my cool. I don't know why, but that laugh pisses me off so much. I drew back my fist and punched him in the nose. Blood spurted out.

"What is going on here?" Miss Sabstain appeared.

"Harry did it!" Joshua exclaimed.

"Actually, Miss, he tried to punch Jacky, who panicked, so one of her bones shot out, Miss," I said in my best 'Honestly-Miss-I'm-Telling-The-Truth voice, put together with my favourite I'm-Such-A-Perfect-Student-I'd-Never-Do-Anything-Wrong expression.

Of course, Miss Sabstain believed me.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

Anyway, we were walking down the street, and it was around 8pm. We'd just come back from the old park, which is where we always hang around, to avoid the others. We were heading back to my house.

"I wish something exciting and funny would happen," I complained.

"Anything to get away from this school," Frankie muttered quietly.

"Like meeting criminal ninja's," Jacky replied, rolling my eyes and my voice dripping with sarcasm.

[Insert loud thunder and a flash of lightning here, as well as an over-exaggerated scream from me]

Clouds started gathering above us. Not normal clouds. Red clouds with black lining, so they looked like a cartoon cloud.

"This is like what happens in the movies!" I squealed.

"I've seen those clouds before…" I heard Frankie murmur.

We got sucked up. Yep! And do you know what I shouted?

"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

**Frankie POV**

Hi! My POV! Yayz! Frankly, Harry is _sooooooooo _boring.

Anywayz, when we got sucked up, I was unconscious, so I was lying on the floor.

But when I woke up, there was this giant fish thing, standing in front of me.

"Me no likez fishy thingz, and you'z fishy!" I wailed.

"What the...?" This was Fishstick wondering whether I was crazy or not.

"Don'tz eat me'z! I is onlyz to be eatenz for supperz or afternoon teaz!" Me again.

He chuckled.

"I like this one. She's funny," he said to this man next to him. He had kinda long black hair, and red, red eyes.

"Hn."

**Jacky's**** POV**

Hi. This is my POV. Yay. Note the fucking sarcasm.

Some might describe me as moody, anti-social, and a walking disaster. There MIGHT be some truth in that...  
When the clouds sucked us up, I ended up in a bathroom, surrounded by dead bodies, lots of blood, a psychotic murderer looming over me and a tentacled freak, counting his money in the corner. You can hardly blame me for screaming my head off.

"Oi! Kakuzu! We got a fucking _live_ one here. What the fuck do you want to do with the bitch?" That was the psychotic murderer with the scythe.

"Sell her," was Tentacles immediate answer.

"Do I get a say in this?" I said in a monotone voice. My voice was casual enough, but inside, I was panicking.

"Fuck no, bitch."

_That _made me panicky. I kicked Psychotic Murderer in the balls and ran out of the bathroom, screaming. Unfortunately, one of Tentacles' tentacles grabbed me and dragged me back.

My last thought before I blanked out was...

"How far can a piece of melted cheese stretch without breaking?"

Yep. I'm fucked.

**Harry's**** POV**

My POV. Yay!

Anyway, I ended up in a very pink room, with a blonde girlyguy who looked scarily like me, chasing a boy/man in a orange lollipop mask. Orange Lollipop Mask (dear Lord, I'm turning into Frankie! She's the one who makes up stupid-ass nicknames) was only a little shorter than me, and my height is average for someone who's in college. But he spoke like a bloody kid, with a high-pitched, whiny voice.

"But Diedara-sempai! Tobi is a good boy!"

"NO, YOU ARE FUCKING NOT!" howled the male version of me.

"...The fuck?" I wondered to no one in particular. Somehow, this little polite (?) phrase caused both Orange Lollipop Mask Man and Male Version Me to pause in their little game of tig to stare at me, like I was from Planet FuckingABC.

Which resulted in a kunai held uncomfortably close to my throat.

"Who are you?" snarled Male Version Me.

"Me."

"Don't be smart with me, or I'll blow you up!" A clay bird drifted into the room lazily, only to be blown up when Male Version Me held to fingers up and shouted "Katsu!"

I stared. I recognised that as the Exploding Explosiony Explosion Thingyyy (Frankie named it) thing I did when annoyed. Lowering my head, I whispered, "You too?"

"What do you mean, 'Me too'?"

"Show me your hand."

Warily, keeping his hand from a far distance, he held his right hand up. Sure enough, on his hand was a mouth. I held my hand up too, showing him the mouth on my hand, too.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

[insert face palm]

**Frankie's POV**

"I think we should take her to Pein-sama. He'll know what to do with her," said Kisame.

"Pain?" I asked.

Uh oh.

**Jacky's POV**

"I think we should take her to Pein-sama. He'll know what to do with her," said Kakuzu.

"Pain?" I asked.

Uh oh.

**Harry's POV**

"I think we should take her to Pein-sama. He'll know what to do with her," said Diedara.

"Pain?" I asked.

Uh oh.

**General POV**

Five minutes later, Pein called all the members together.

"I've decided what to do with them."

**Yay! Cliffy! Maybe that will make you review...**

**And before any of you can ask, none of them know anything about their ninja relations, or what shinobi/kunoichi are. They were all abandoned at birth and grew up in our world. Jacky and Harry are twenty, but Frankie just became twenty-one. They go to college. That was their last week though...**

**What's going to happen in the next chapter -takes a peek- oh... uh huh... interesting!**

**They'll meet ALL the members later, and please vote on my poll, which is on my account profile.**

**REVIEW OR ZETSU WILL COME ALONG AND EAT YOU ALL UP!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Tobi: Stupid Genius is a bad girl!**

**Me: ... Eh?**

**Tobi: Stupid Genius forgot the disclaimer in the last chapter!**

**Me: Oh...**

**Tobi: And also, Stupid Genius wants to give a very big thank you to Shadow the Ranger!**

**Me: Yeah, and that... But why is there a huge crowd outside the door? They seem angry too.**

**Tobi: I'll let them in!**

**Me: No! -runs away from crowd who are angry because the first chapter was so crappy-**

**Jacky's POV**

The meeting finished after at least twenty centuries. How long does it take for this Painful dude to tell everybody his decision? Mind you, I wouldn't say it to his face. He's one scary shit of a man. He's got punk orange hair, and peircing everywhere! ...That rhymes!

Just then, people started filing out. I recognized Hidan, who glared at me, and Kakuzu, who didn't even throw a glance my way. A childish man in a orange lollipop mask was screaming that Tobi was a good boy (God knows who Tobi is), a red-haired, expressionless man stared at us, not in wonder, or surprise. Just... blankly. A giant fish waved at Frankie, who waved back, followed by a man with long black hair and red eyes. A ginger-haired, piercings-covered man came out (Painful Dude), a blue haired girl fingering some paper right behind him. A half-white, half-black man trapped in a Venus Flytrap walked past, and when I waved at him cheerfully, he began muttering to himself about how he must 'restrain the strong urge to swallow them whole'...

These seem like an interesting bunch. Ok, maybe they're a LITTLE strange, but not that much, right?

A blonde guy that looked scarily like Harry waved at us and walked over.

"Guess what, un?"

"What?" I immediately replied, in a monotone voice. I'm practically famous for my monotone voice. Harry tries to copy it sometimes, but she's more of the loud, shouting type.

"We're keeping you, un!"

"You make us sound like animals," Frankie quietly. Blonde Harry-lookalike just grinned.

Humph.

"This is Diedara. He's from my 'clan', apparently."

[insert long and boring explanation on how Harry is from Diedara's clan, and I'm from the 'Kuguya' clan. Then another explanation about ninja's and jutsu's, because the author can't be bothered].

"..."

"..."

"..."

"It's a lot to take in, un, I know, un, but-"

"That's kinda cool!" Frankie said thoughtfully.

"Ok," Harry replied nonchalantly.

"Wow," I said, my voice blank of emotion.

"I think Frankie's reaction was the most predictable, un, even if it is by only a little, un." Diedara grumbled.

"What did you want us to say?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Well, I expected you to say something along the lines of 'OMG! THAT IS SO COOL!', un, or 'Why would we believe that?, un, or even 'Wow, that'd be sooo cool... if it were true,' un."

"OMG! THAT IS SO COOL!" Harry shouted, getting into it.

"Why would we believe that?" Frankie said in a childishly confused voice.

"Wow, that'd be sooo cool... if it were true," I recited.

"...? Anyway, un, you three get your own room, un. Pein-sama was about to make you sleep with guys, un, but Konan stuck up for you, un, complaining about women's rights, un."

"Who does Konan sleep with then? She was the only female I saw," Frankie asked.

"Herself, until you three came a long. Now, you're sharing with her room."

"Ooooooohh! Yay! WOOHOO! Go, random Konan stranger!" Harry. I'm pretty sure you guessed.

[insert eye roll from both Diedara, Harry and I here]

-Five Minutes Later-

Konan showed us our rooms. It was baby blue, with silver furniture. It was spotless.

"I painted it myself, with the help of the origami me's," she said proudly.

"You can make clones of yourself with paper?" I asked. Although my voice let on no enthusiasm, I was curious.

"Yep."

"COOL!" Harry shouted, pumping her fist in the air. Unfortunately, Konan used this as encouragement, and she and Harry began talking about origami, and quality papers.

I sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

¬_¬ _ !"£$%^&*()_++~ ¬_¬ _

**Sorry it's so short!**

**And also, chocolate chip cookie to Shadow the Ranger for being the first person to review! And the only so far...**

**I don't really remember Diedara's surname, so we'll pretend it's Fuuka. I think it is. And I seem to have forgotten that Diedara says 'un' in the last chapter... Oops!**

**REVIEW! I need reviews to keep me going! It's my carbohydrate when it comes to fanfiction. We're doing healthy eating in Science... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring. We did that in bloody Year Two. At PRIMARY SCHOOL! In the INFANTS!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Me: Diedara...**

**Diedara: ...**

**Me: Diedara...**

**Diedara: ...**

**Me: DIEDARA!**

**Diedara: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, UN?**

**Me: Do the disclaimer... please?**

**(Tobi bursts into room)**

**Tobi: Tobi will do it! Tobi will do it!**

**Me: Go ahead, then!**

**Tobi: StupidGenius4Eva doesn't own Naruto!**

**Hidan: She's too stupid to own anything but the plot.**

**Me: ... I don't even have a plot! I must make a plot! See you, I'm off to make a plot!**

**Harry's POV**

Frankie and Konan finally went to sleep, only to wake up a five hours later at 4am to begin their 'Origami Talks'. Typical.

I slipped out of bed, and tiptoed down the stairs. grabbing a pan, flour, eggs and other essential ingredients, I began to make pancakes. A few minutes later, the pancake batter was ready.

But unfortunately, Diedara chose that moment to appear, eyes half-closed, arms stretched out, sniffing the air as he crept closer, and closer, and closer to the batter.

So, I did what any person would do. I screamed in his face. But he didn't wake up. Hidan lumbered down.

"WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT," he paused here to check the time, "4:12 IN THE MORNING?"

"DEIDARA'S FUCKING FREAKING THE SHIT OUTTA ME WITH HIS STUPID-ASS SLEEPWALKING!" I screamed right back at him.

"Oh. Again?" he asked, peering at Deidara.

"What do you mean, 'again'?" I asked in my happy-go-lucky voice. I was intent on annoying him.

"He's been doing it a lot lately."

"Oh."

I grabbed two mugs of coffee, and sat down at the table. I offered one mug to Hidan, who took it immediately, without so much as a thank you. Typical.

"Do people sleep-walk a lot from where you come from, bitch?"

I ignored the last insult.

"A lot, but I've never seen it happen before," I shrugged.

"Where DO you come from, anyway?"

"Birmingham."

"Where, bitch?" Hidan looked genuinely puzzled.

"England?"

"...?

"Great Britain?"

"...?"

"Europe?"

"...?"

"Earth?"

"...?"

"MilkyWay?"

"...?"

"Universe?"

"...?"

"Are you geographically challenged?"

I found Hidan's scythe uncomfortably close to my throat.

"No," he growled, "It's you speaking a load of shi... rubbish."

Then I realized something that made me scream.

* * *

**So short, I know! I'm writing another one up STRAIGHT AWAY!**

**Guess why Harry screamed? Two whole cookie to the person who guesses! It's not what you'll expect. It isn't because there's a scythe next to her throat...**

**REVIEW AND I'LL MENTION YOU IN THE FOURTH CHAPTER AS WELL AS GIVING YOU VIRTUAL LOLLIES! And if I've updated the next chapter already, review anyway. Please?**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: It takes too much time to write a little play like I did before, so I'm just going to write it straight out... I don't own Naruto.

Tobi: Aaawww! But Tobi liked the other disclaimers! They were funny!

Me: OUT! IT TAKES TOO MUCH IMAGINATION! Oh, and this is just a filler chapter...

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"What the matter now?" Hidan asked irritably.

"You're not swearing!"

"HOLY FUCK!"

"That's what I thought."

And Diedara woke up.

"What are you making, un?" he asked, rubbing his eyes wearily.

"Pancakes."

And he woke up fully.

"It needs one thing, un!" he exclaimed, and threw something in.

"Diedara," I warned him.

"Katsu!"

BOOM!

"Now _that_ is art!

"For the love of Nora, Diedara! You just _had_ to blow it up!"

"I thought, since you were part of my clan, you'd appreciate art, like me," Diedara pouted.

"I DO APPRECIATE ART! BUT NOT WHEN IT RUINS _FOOD!_"

"SHUT UP!" Pein appeared in the doorway. Hidan stopped cackling, and Diedara closed his mouth.

"Get back to your rooms. Now," he said thunderously.

And, of course, we obeyed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Kiba, do the honours!**

**Kiba...**

**Me:...**

**-Tsunade walks in-**

**Tsunade: Hey! Hey, you! Have you seen a girl with skin as dark as coal and hair as white as snow? No, a girl with hair as dark as ebony and skin as white as snow?**

**Me:My hair's black! But my skin is black too... Not literally... I'm brown.**

**Kakashi: StupidGenius does not own Naruto, only Jacky, Harry and Frankie.**

**Me: Where did he come from?**

**Everybody: ...**

**Me: Anyway, quick reminder: Frankie gets over-excited about everything and is mostly in a cheerful mood. Jacky is moody and quiet. Harry is plain bitchy (she's my favourite), and won't hesitant to say what's on her mind.**

**Enjoy the story!**

Diedara, Hidan and Harry were sent to their rooms in disgrace. All I heard was a scream, Hidan shouting 'Holy Fuck!', a loud boom and a lot of cackling. When Harry came up, Jacky obviously didn't care, but I tried to find out what happened. Harry didn't say a word and sulked in the corner.

After an hour, Pein-sama let us downstair. Harry and I cooked pancakes and Harry growled every time Diedara came close to the batter. Interesting...

Once breakfast finished, Jacky, Harry and I were told by Pein we were going to be sent on MISSION! I got excited.

"Yayz! What are we doing?"

"Cleaning the base."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"FUCK NO! I AM NOT A FUCKING HOUSE MAID! I'M NEVER CLEANING THIS MOTHER-FUCKING BASE!" Harry howled. Next thing she knew was a kunai held to her throat. Needless to say, she shut up.

But we ended up cleaning the base. Because we're all afraid as shit of Pein, even if some people deny it (cough Hidan cough). The others (minus Konan and Pein, whom Harry and I think are doing things they shouldn't in their room together) went off to find some jinjurikii (I think they called that).

"Why are we doing this again?" Jacky asked wearily.

"Because Author will kick us out of the story and replace us with some other soppy OC. Or she'll make us do something really embarrassing, like doing the Funky Chicken."

"Oh."

And we scrubbed the floor and washed the dishes, as well as the clothes. They didn't even have a washing machine, for God's sake! And then we hung them up to dry and did their beds, and then we cooked some pasta for when they come back. Then we flopped down and fell asleep, while Konan sent a letter to say they to come back ASAP once they finished their mission.

And I began.

"Harry?"

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Jacky?"

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Harry?"

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Jacky?"

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Harry?"

"..."

"Harry?"

"..."

"HARRY!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT KNOW, YEAH?"

"You sound like Diedara. He says 'un' a lot and that means 'yeah'."

"Fuck off."

By the time the others had arrived, I'd devised a way to get rid of boredom once and for all.

"We are all bored, right?"

"Duh!"

"How about we try... I don't know... crossdressing?"

"What!"

"I'll go ask Leader!"

And do you know Leader said?

"I think you should... It'll shut them all up."

HURRAY!

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**It's not as long as I wished it was...**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Me: Kiba! Do the disclaimer please!**_

_**Kiba: UNTIE ME, YOU CRAZY WOMAN!**_

_**Me: Yeah, I MIGHT have tied Kiba to a wall, but not for dirty purposes! **_

_**Kiba: Thank Kami for that!**_

_**Me: But we love reviews, don't we Kiba?**_

_**Kiba: NO!**_

_**Me: Ignore him. Hey, Kurenai! Do the disclaimer and I'll let your student go!**_

_**Kurenai: Nah, you can keep him.**_

_**Iruka: StupidGenius does not own Naruto, now can you let my ex-student go?**_

_**Me: Awww, you care for him! I should write a fanfic about that... **_

_**Kiba: EEEEEEWWWWW! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!**_

_**Iruka: I am not gay! My heart is firmly set towards Anko!**_

_**Anko: -pops out of nowhere- Did I hear what I think I heard?**_

_**Me: Yep! I should write a fanfic about you two...**_

_**Iruka: AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!**_

_**Me: What's the matter with him? Anyway, I wanted to say that I can't be bothered to keep adding 'z' after random words when it's Frankie's POV. So forget the whole 'z' idea. It was stupid, and idiotic of me**_

Harry's POV

I walked into the dining room of the base to find all the Akatsuki and Jacky sitting upright and looking tense. Hell, even Hidan was quivering. I opened my mouth to ask why they looked so... scared, but Frankie skipped past me and chirped, "He said 'yes'!"

"NO!"

"Actually, I insist. It will keep you quiet and I don't think I can endure more wails of 'I'm bored!' while I'm working." Pein had appeared, Konan behind him, like a blue-haired, paper-loving ever-present guardian angel.

"What, what does he insist to?" I asked, totally confused by now.

"We're getting them to cross-dress!"

"WHAT?" I shouted. I have _so_ got to see this!

"I don't want to cut my beautiful hair!" Jacky wailed.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT PUNISHMENTS THIS TIME, I'M NOT DRESSING UP LIKE A STUPID-AS-FUCK GIRL!"

"WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO SAY ABOUT GIRLS, YOU STUPID MOTHER-FUCKING SHIT-HEAD!"

"TOBI HAS A HEADACHE!"

"I AM _SOOOO _FUCKING UP FOR THIS!"

Silence.

"You are?" Kakuzu asked, looking bewildered.

"I thought you'd protest the most, Harry," Konan said, shaking her head in both disbelief and wonder.

"Nah! I think it'd be cool to dress up as a boy. Jacky, you can stuff your hair into a hat (1)," I offered.

"What about you?" she asked hesitantly. "I've got a feeling you're not going to do that."

"Nah," I grinned. "I'm going to cut my hair. Properly."

Silence.

Then there was an outroar. Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu and Kisame began cackling like witches, Itachi 'hn'ed, Diedara looked triumphant and began saying how they would no longer look alike, Tobi wailed for me not to 'chop off my beautiful hair', Konan looked disappointed, Frankie looked positively heart-broken (even though she suggested the whole cross-dressing thing), Jacky looked surprised while Pein yelled for everybody to 'shut the hell up' before he 'chops off the bits that made them male and make them swallow them whole'.

"How come you don't tell the girls o shut up?" Hidan whined.

"In case you didn't noticed, none of the girls said anything," Pein snapped.

"Pein-sama, what about you? You're part of this, aren't you?" Kisame said slyly. Pein suddenly looked like a mouse caught in a trap.

"Well- I-I d-don't th-th-thin-think I-I sh-sh-"

"Pein's in! Now, I think we should get down to business!" Frankie said cheerfully, rubbing my hands.

They groaned, but this time, no one argued.

(1) . . .uk/ SCROLL DOWN TILL YOU SEE THE PICTURE! Now you know what I mean.

Bet you all thought the cross-dressing would be in this chapter! But it's in the next, don't worry. Sorry it's so short as well.

That link should give you an idea! But I wasn't thinking about cross-dressing in this story. It my other story, All for Chaos and Chaos for All! But I will be putting cross-dressing a lot in that one too... ;) If you read Harry Potter and like the Marauders, please read it!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Can't be bothered with a little script 'cuz I can't wait to finish writing this!

Sorry I took so long. My computer broke and I tried to use my brother's PSP but there's a pound sign in my password, and the PSP has only got a dollar sign... -sighs- Shit, now I've given you a clue to my password... And I really want Tobi in at the same time as Sasori (you'll see why later), so he'll be an unofficial member, OK?

ANYWAYZ! Can't be bothered with Frankie's 'z's, so...

ON WITH THE STORY!

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Jacky's POV

"WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH?"

Hello! My POV! Yay! Anyway, we were dressing the Akatsuki. And Hidan had just stepped out of the cubicle he was dressing in and saw himself in the mirror.

He was dressed in a pink pair of trousers, and a pink and blue-striped shirt with a black wig going halfway down his back.

"Stop complaining, Leader said to do it, so you have to," Harry said smugly. I still hid the camera behind my back though; I didn't want him seeing _that _yet!

Frankie had chosen the clothes, so Konan did the make-up. Putting pink eyeshadow on his eyelid, I handed over the blusher, mascara, lipstick and the eyeliner to her.

"WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO THIS?"

"Mind your language, Hidan!" Frankie chided.

"Yeah, mind your fucking language!" I said, hands on hip.

"You too, Jacky," Frankie frowned.

Whipping out the camera, I took several priceless snaps (AN:/ I know they don't have camera's (or tv's and washing machines), but imagine a MODERN camera that immediately progresses photos). The pictures progressed immediately, totalling seven in all. Hidan gaped. I smirked.

Hidan left and Diedara entered. After Konan and Harry (reluctantly) scoured the wardrobe for something to give him, they eventually decided on a VERY short, black and white jumper (that would have shown off his belly had it been a shirt). Then we handed him a black skirt that reached his knees and black tights (with white spots).

As soon as he got out of the cubicle, I attacked his hair with a brush and a comb, and Frankie put a (black and white) flower in his hair to top it all off. But Frankie felt sorry for him because he naturally looked like a girl, and didn't put any make-up on him. She told Diedara this, and I noticed he didn't tell her he didn't look like a girl.

HOWEVER, I managed eight snaps before he even noticed the camera! Man, I was doing good!

Kakuzu refused to dress up, but Konan knew what made him work. Offering money, she handed him a purple dress and pink tights and a pink shirt to wear underneath.

He got out of the cubicle, and a blonde wig was handed to him. Then Frankie attacked him with the make-up box, with purple eyeshadow, pink lipstick, concealer (for the stitches) blusher, mascara, eyeliner and other stuff I don't even know.

But I've got to say, Kakuzu looked different without his mask thing. He looked more... manly and good-looking. But unfortunately, he noticed the camera after the fourth snap and scowled. Not 'unfortunately, he scowled', I meant 'unfortunately, he noticed the camera'.

Next up was Kisame. We considered pink, but decided it wouldn't go well with his face colour (blue). In the end, we dressed him up in blue; blue skirt, blue shirt, blue knee-high socks, and we had to flatten his blue hair before putting the long BLUE wig Konan had bought just for him.

I managed two snaps when Kisame chose that moment to turn around. He saw the camera and...

Began posing for it!

Around twenty snaps were managed, until Frankie put the make-up on, and another twenty came along. I gave an evil grin at the photos clasped in my hand. But the next 'customer' would be up soon, so I stuffed them in my pocket.

Let's just say Sasori looked a right dear in a blood-red dress and a pretty pink flower in his red hair as well as the red make-up.

Itachi refused, and so did Pein, much to the disappointment of us girls. A few embarrassing pics of him were just what we needed!

Then Tobi came rushing in, blabbing about ponies and other nonsense. We managed to force a black wig on him, and said he would be a good boy if he put on the white, wedding dress in the corner and the white flower for his hair.

So, of course, he did.

Which equals another EIGHTEEN pics!

Yay!

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Sorry! I know I took ridiculously long and now it's turned into a Mary-Sue too! Holy Mother of Fuck, where has all my writing skill gone? I'm sure I was better than this!

REVIEW! OR THE FOUR GIRLS WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND CROSS_DRESS YOU! Harry and Konan will do choose the clothes, Frankie will do the accessories and Jacky will take all the pics! Then they'll attack your hair with a pair of scissors/wig! I'll update after a get ONE review! Come on, I'm being nice! Please?

Fine. Fuck you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:**

**Tobi: TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!**  
**Me: You will be if you do the disclaimer.**

**Tobi: StupidGenius-chan does not own Naruto! The only people she owns are Harry, Frankie and Jacky! The rest belong to Mamashi Kishimoto!**  
**Hidan: And good riddance too. Imagine the stupid-as-fuck things she'd make us do... MADE us do... Crossdressing? Really?**

**Me: Shut up, I thought it was a good idea!**

**Hidan: You THOUGHT? OMG, StupidGenius THOUGHT!**

**Me: What does OMG stand for?**

**Hidan: ...**

**Me: Exactly, you don't even know! It stands for 'Oh My God/Oh My Gosh!**

**Hidan: ... Oh.**

**Me: You're an idiot, you know?**

**Hidan: ...You don't know what OMJ stands for.**

**Me: Let me guess -pretends to think- erm... OH MY JASHIN!**

**Hidan: How did you know?**

**Me: -face-palms-**

¬!"£$%^&*()_+~

The boys abandoned the dresses and skirts, and Frankie saw Hidan rubbing his make-up off vigorously. She reported this in a childishly disappointed tone.

"I wanted him to stay like that!" she whined. "I wanted them ALL to stay like that!"

"It's alright," Jacky soothed. She shot an evil grin Harry's way, and they took the photos out their hiding place to show her them. Gob-smacked, she went through the pile, and soon, she too was grinning evilly. Konan chose this moment to walk in. She looked around, and saw Harry, Jacky and Frankie, grinning evilly, bending over some photos.

"I don't even want to know," she muttered, as she turned around and made for the door.

"Oh, but you do!" Frankie trilled, and grabbed her arm, dragging her over, none-too-gracefully.

And the foursome began plotting.

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Konan's POV

The three New Girls (that's how I think of them) showed me the pics, and soon, we were all strolling in the direction of Hidan's room.

We knocked on the door. Harry was all for barging in, but Jacky pointed out that he might be changing. That made her stop and knock.

Hidan opened the bedroom door, irritation clear on his face.

"What the -beep!- do you want now, you -beep!-ing mother-beep-ers?"

I frowned. Hidan opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly when he saw me. He obviously learnt from the last time he swore in front of me.

-FLASHBACK-

"You -beep-ing -beep-head! You stupid mother-beep-er; you -beep-ed up the whole -beep-ing mission!" Hidan yelled in Kakuzu's face, the latter standing calmly and looking coolly at Hidan.

I twitched. I didn't know why, but swear words always got on my nerves. But what happened with my past life, I guess that's hardly a surprise.

A wave of paper floated from random places, joining to form a huge, paper tiger, folding in the correct places.

"What the fu-"

The tiger pounced.

And let's just say, that the origami piece did more than give him paper cuts.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

So, after that, Hidan never swore in front of me. Or Pein. A) because where Pein went, I usually went too, and B) because Pein knows I don't like swear words.

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Harry's POV

When we got to Hidan's bedroom door, he suddenly stopped swearing when he saw Konan. This sounded like a story worth hearing!

Anyway, Jacky whipped out the photos of she-him, and flashed them in his direction. He paled visibly, which is saying something, for his VERY pale skin.

"Listen to us, do what we want you to do, and no one will see these photos. Ignore us, don't obey our instructions, and you'll become the laughing stock of all Konoha and Suna," Jacky threatened.

Hidan whimpered and nodded ferociously. I made a mental to carefully hide the photos, as no doubt, he would try to destroy them.

"Good! Now, go make me a strawberry smoothie. Four, for each of us," Konan demanded, a smirk playing at her lips. Hidan nodded and headed to the kitchen.

After half an hour and endless failed attempts, Hidan came back with four strawberry smoothies. He handed it to each of us, not saying a word, glaring at the floor as if it had done a personal offense to him (AN:/ Is the grammar correct?).

I threw a triumphant smirk his way, and took a sip of the smoothie...

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**Guess what happens next! Go on!**

**I REALLY need somebody to tell me how to take off the non-anonymous reviews thing, because it's disabled ALL anonymous reviews! -sniffs- ¬_¬ Hate this computer... No offense to it.**

**I also noticed I've left a lot of the characters out. Will be more of them later. Especially Zetsu.**

**Thanks to Shadow the Ranger for reviewing**

**Anyway, if your logged in...**

**REVIEW!**  
**Or else Hidan will come to your house and make killer smoothies of Doom!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**

**Tobi: TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!**  
**Me: You will be if you do the disclaimer.**

**Tobi: StupidGenius-chan does not own Naruto! The only people she owns are Harry, Frankie and Jacky! The rest belong to Mamashi Kishimoto!**  
**Hidan: And good riddance too. Imagine the stupid-as-fuck things she'd make us do... MADE us do... Crossdressing? Really?**

**Me: Shut up, I thought it was a good idea!**

**Hidan: You THOUGHT? OMG, StupidGenius THOUGHT!**

**Me: What does OMG stand for?**

**Hidan: ...**

**Me: Exactly, you don't even know! It stands for 'Oh My God/Oh My Gosh!**

**Hidan: ... Oh.**

**Me: You're an idiot, you know?**

**Hidan: ...You don't know what OMJ stands for.**

**Me: Let me guess -pretends to think- erm... OH MY JASHIN!**

**Hidan: How did you know that? **

**Me: -facepalms-**

**Same disclaimer because I'm too uncreative... Someone, hurry along and disagree!**

**lol**

**i think I've gone crazy...**

**Wait, I was crazy in the first place...**

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**¬!"£$%^&*()_+~**

I threw a triumphant smirk his way, and took a sip of the smoothie...

...And choked as I took in it's TERRIBLE taste.

It tasted like spinach and baked beans smoothie, with trifle and orange flavours mixed in. I gagged, and threw a glare at Hidan, who had cracked up laughing. ROFLMAO* would be a good way of describing it.

I stood up, shaking with anger...

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***ROLFMAO stands for Roll On Floor Laughing My Ass Of, in case you didn't know.**

**Yeah, I only updated this because I didn't want to pause with a cliffy at the end, because I'm not getting any more reviews, I don't know how do disable the 'only non-anonymous reviews', but mostly because...**

**I'M REWRITING THIS!**

**So it'll be less confusing.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: If I owned Naruto, Sasori would be a real boy! :)**

**Sasori: I heard that!**

**And on with the story we go!**

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**Harry's POV**

...And choked as I took in it's TERRIBLE taste.

It tasted like spinach and baked beans smoothie, with trifle and orange flavours mixed in. I gagged, and threw a glare at Hidan, who had cracked up laughing. ROFLMAO* would be a good way of describing it.

I stood up, shaking with anger.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Frankie said in a quiet, sad voice. I sneered. Being sad wasn't going to get her anywhere. But even Jacky looked moodier and more upset than I'd ever seen her.

Hidan smirked at Frankie's question. "Yeah. Yeah, I do, actually."

"Well, that was far from funny," I spat at him. Hidan stared at all three of us.

"What''s up with you guys? It was only a joke, a prank." He rolled his eyes. Frankie stood up suddenly, hate clearly etched across her face. I drew back my fist and punched him in the face. Hard enough to break his nose, quick enough to make my arm look like a blur.

Frankie turned into a snake, and bit his whole leg off. Hidan fell to the floor, too shocked to do anything, blood spurting from where his foot once stood.

Jacky pulled out a bone and hit him over the head with it, anger and loathing crystal clear in her eyes.

The shock was over, and Hidan, being a mad, psychopathic, immortal masochist/sadist/Jashinist, his nose healed, his leg attached itself back on, and the large bump on his head disappeared. He got to his feet, pulling out his scythe.

"Why can't people like you take a joke?" he asked, getting into a defensive position.

"Because those little 'jokes' were the pranks pulled on us nearly every day by what was meant to be our classmates," I snarled.

Hidan blinked. "Wait, what?"

"At school, we were the freaks, the weirdos, the ones nobody dared to approach. Everyone would use as human guinea pigs for their pranks, and a lot of the time, they went wrong, and nine times out of ten, we were injured. Back where we came from, you were a anime movie, something people watched for entertainment. So, when people found out we were similar to you, we were the joke of Standford College. We didn't have parents we could complain to, parents who would sort it out with a quick word to our teacher. We didn't have that. We lived by ourselves, but we had money. We were the richest on the estate, us three were, what with the money we inherited from our parents. Not that we found much comfort in the mansion we lived in together. Nearly everyday, we found our house had been egged, windows been smashed, and generally, our whole mansion been vandalised," Jacky said, her head bowed, her voice quiet.

"That's why we so wanted to stay here, why we didn't bother to escape. Because it was the one place were everybody was as strange as us," Frankie informed, a sad little smile on her face.

"Oh." Hidan paused to think. "The only reason Pein wanted to keep you three, is because you're jinjuriki. But you're weirdest jinjuriki. We can't extract the demon from you, without killing the demon as well. And a dead demon is as good as no demons. So, we're keeping you around so we can train you, and you'll be stronger, and you'll use your powers to serve us." He paused again. "Shit, shouldn't have told you that... Now you won't do as we say."

"Actually, that's pretty good reasoning..." I said thoughtfully. I skipped out of the room, the whole fight forgotten.

¬!"£$%^&*()_+~¬!"£$%^&*()_+~

When I went to the kitchen, I found Pein there. He wasn't eating, or drinking, or reading, or doing anything, really. He was just sitting at the table. as if waiting for someone.

"I wanted a word with you and your friends," he informed me. I blinked.

"Why didn't you call us then?" I said, totally confused. He snorted.

"Because I'm Pein, the _Leader **.**_I wasn't going all the way to your room, which is actually quite far from here, just to call you," he smirked.

I raised my eyebrows.

"You don't know how big this base is. You've only been to Hidan's room, your room, the meeting room, and seen Diedara's room, right? So, I decided to wait here. I know you can't resist the power of food," he smirked again. I pouted.

"Anyway. You, Jacky and that _thing_, by the name of Frankie, are going to make yourselves useful. On a mission. But, of course, if you go without training, you'll be killed. We can't have your demons dying, can we?" he smiled.

"So that's all you care about, the demons inside us? Besides, how did you know we were jinjuriki? It was meant to be a secret, nobody knew!" I've got to admit, I was as curious as hell.

He continued like he hadn't heard me. "Sasori will start the training, and will expect you outside his room at 5 am."

"Why do early?"

"Because time has never stopped shinobi's before."

"Sexist," I muttered.

"What?"

"What about kuniochi?"

But he said nothing, and walked out of the room. I stared after him, before shrugging, and set my mind to making myself some coffee.

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"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" Frankie yelled, bouncing on my bed. A vicious kick in her direction solved the problem. I pulled the covers over my head, when-

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

"What the hell, Frankie?" I muttered. My hair was a mess, and Frankie's voice was far too shrill for-

"5:20! We're late!"

"I did try to tell you," Frankie shrugged.

I got ready in record time (They should put me in the Guiness Book Of World Records, if they have a ninja styled one). So, by 5:53, I was ready.

"You take ages," Jacky commented, rolling her eyes, with her ever-present scowl (well, nearly ever-present. It's either the scowl or the blank face).

"I thought I was really quick today," I pouted.

Frankie and Jacky face-palmed.

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Review, or Kakuzu will steal all your money and Itachi will sharingan your ass, and Tobi will give you death hugs, and Zetsu will gnaw on your arm, and Pein will make it rain on your birthday (no! Anything but that!) and Sasori will set his puppets on you, and Diedara will blow you up, and Frankie will turn into the thing you're scared of the most, and Harry will blow you up too, and Jacky will cut you, using her bones as swords and Kisame will put Samehade (his sword) on your case, and then, after all that, Hidan will sacrifice you to Jashin! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wow, I'm breathless now!


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I give up. I have tried long and hard to find different disclaimers, but I give up. I don't own Naruto. That's the best I can do...**

**Hidan: Thank Jashin. We don't need your stupid-ass disclaimers to put people off! **

**Sasori: Why are you complaining? If everybody is put off by the story, and stop reading it, she won't get any reviews, and she'll stop writing.**

**Hidan: Never thought of that...**

**Sasori: You never thought at all. You never do. **

**On with the story!**

* * *

So, we headed off in what we hoped was the direction of Sasori's room. Since Sasori was Diedara's room, we were heading off there, and if it wasn't there, we'd ask Diedara (many of the Akatsuki still wanted to kill us, seeing us as a burden) if he knew where Sasori's room was. Well, we were sure he DID know, but it was a case of whether or not he'd tell us.

Something Frankie reminded me often when telling me that we needed to 'polite, subtle, and discreet'. Aren't discreet and subtle the same thing?

"Aren't discreet and subtle the same thing?" I tried to whisper.

"Shush!"

"Okay, okay, don't eat me!"

I tried asking her other questions, but she kept shushing me as we crept towards Diedara's room. Wait, why were we creeping?

"Why are we creeping?"

"Shush!"

Silence.

"D'you think we're nearly there?"

"Shush!"

Silence.

"You do know we're late, right?"

"Shush!"

Silence.

And silence it stayed. At least, until I tripped, grabbed a table that happened to be near me, which overbalanced, sending the stolen vase crashing to the floor.

"What's going on here?" Diedara appeared in a pink (pink?) bathrobe and pink (PINK!) slippers. _  
_

There was an awkward silence as the other two shuffled their feet. I dunno why they're being so... awkward.

"Hi! We wanted to know where Sasori's bedroom is!" I chirped. Frankie winced. Jacky allowed herself to come out of her emotionless façade (I've heard the word 'façade' once, can't exactly remember what it meant, but it sounds right, and Jacky used it, so it must be intelligent. I think it has something to do with walls...) to roll her eyes exasperatedly.

Trust her to only show negative feelings and hide all positive feelings.

Only Jacky.

Anyway, Diedara stared at me, then Jacky, then Frankie.

"Straight down the corridor, second on the left, go down the stairs, fifth on the right, make sure you knock," he replied, rubbing his eyes wearily, before slouching away.

"Thanks!" I called after him.

"Diedara's stupider than I thought," Frankie said thoughtfully.

"And am I allowed to talk to ask why?" I said irritably. Considering she was the one who kept telling me to 'shush!', I thought it was rather hypocritical. I didn't feel ashamed on the fact that I didn't care she insulted my long lost cousin (whom I were barely related to).

"Shush!"

And here we go again.

"Why the hell do I have to be quiet? I don't see no fucking reason to stop me talking! Is there a mother-fucking law somewhere saying I'm no longer allowed to talk when walking? Is there? No there fuckin-"

And that was when Jacky decided to gag me with a very smelly, very dirty sock. Which, if you don't mind me saying, tastes like it has never been washed. NOT a nice taste, to be honest with you.

I yanked it out of my mouth.

"What the-" I started loudly, but then stopped. Someone was behind me. I could sense them. And when I saw Frankie looking over my shoulder with a horrified look, and Jacky looking slightly shocked (I think it was surprise anyway; it's not easily reading Jacky's expressions).

I tried to turn around and look behind me, but found a kunai being held across my throat.

"Quiet," the totally unfamiliar voice said.

I screamed.

* * *

**Ha! What do you think of that? Very short, I know, but I rather enjoyed writing it. Did you enjoy reading it? Please tell me; I've only had two reviews, both from Shadow the Ranger. And I don't think she/he's reading. **

**Been very busy. My school teachers are evil when it comes to homework :'(**

**ANYWAYZ! This is my first update in ages. I'm going to start the next piece straight away. Hang in there for *calculates with fingers* I dunno, maybe the end of today (Saturday, 8th of September, 2012), maybe tomorrow, mostly likely not Monday, though maybe Tuesday. I think tomorrow. **

**So, review. Please. I wouldn't be surprised if I finished this and started the sequel by the time you decide you'll review, but do it anyway. Or read my Gaara one-shot that I wrote. Or vote on the polls on my account. Or all three. Or maybe read my Harry Potter fanfics. Or give me an idea for a Lord of the Ring one-shot. Or all five. :D**

**Me: What are we going to do?**

**Massive Crowd (four or five people): *look around awkwardly* **

**Me: You shout 'Review!'. Ok, again. What are we going to do?  
**

**Massive Crowd: *silence* **

**Me: *sigh* I give up. Maybe I should stop writing...**

**Actually Massive Crowd: REVIEW! *everyone reviews*  
**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Hey, come on guys! What about the last line? You haven't done that part yet!**


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